


Hiraeth (then I found you)

by ProudHaikyuuTrash



Series: SakuAtsu Week 2020 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I wrote this while being sleep deprieved, M/M, This haunted me in my dreams, if you couldn't tell, until i posted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23715544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProudHaikyuuTrash/pseuds/ProudHaikyuuTrash
Summary: Written for SakuAtsu Day Seven: Home/Safetyʜɪʀᴀᴇᴛʜ:ᴀ ғᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ᴏғ ʜᴏᴍᴇsɪᴄᴋɴᴇss ғᴏʀ ᴀ ᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ ᴛᴏ ᴏʀ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴡᴀsAtsumu, Kiyoomi and being lost to finding a home in each other.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: SakuAtsu Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691599
Comments: 1
Kudos: 164
Collections: Haikyuu, SakuAtsu Week 2020





	Hiraeth (then I found you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is very very late entry. I was thinking of not posting this at all since I missed the day but I thought since I wrote it already might as well just post it. So here it is~

Atsumu dreams of swirling black holes, of skin made of snow, of thin, bony fingers that are softer than they look, of pouty lips, of a voice that sounds both like stormy seas and tranquil forests. He dreams of a figure with jet black here that contrasts so heavily with that snow white skin that it doesn’t feel human. He dreams of a figure he doesn’t know of, he dreams of someone his soul had chosen long before he was born but has never met, and when Atsumu wakes up, heaving and sobbing and cradled into Osamu’s arms, he feels such overwhelming homesickness he feels lost.

Kiyoomi wakes to a hand carding through his hair, to Motoya looking at him with worried eyes and a rare frown. He blinks, taking in his surrounding before he meets Motoya’s eyes in confusion.

Motoya doesn’t retract his hand, only sighs and rubs his eyes with his free hand. “You were having a nightmare—again.”

Kiyoomi’s even more confused—he doesn’t remember any nightmares and neither his heart beat nor his breathing feels too fast. He’s sure whatever dream he was having, it wasn’t a nightmare.

“You were shuffling around and talking in your sleep,” Motoya explains when he feels Kiyoomi’s curiosity topple, “And I called you a few times but you didn’t wake up, so I had to get down.”

He doesn’t remember having a nightmare but, as if those awakened something, there’s a feeling in his chest that grips onto him and makes him feel restless. There’s no crawling in his skin nor is there any discomfort that might suggest a panic attack, but Kiyoomi feels nostalgia settle deep within his bones. It’s as if a dam has been broken and a flood of emotions, most of which Kiyoomi’s sleep riddled mind can’t even begin to decipher. So he does what his minds decides best—slides deeper into his bed and motions Motoya to slide in. The fingers in his hair doesn’t stop as Motoya does what he’s told and slides the blankets over both of their frames.

They settle and Kiyoomi let’s Motoya’s familiar presence lull him back to sleep, hoping it’s enough to stop the indescribable feeling of longing that had burrowed itself deep inside him.

He feels comfortable but the feeling never goes away.

Life carries on, and Atsumu learns to live with the constant homesickness carved into his very being. Osamu is there to help him through the nostalgic dreams that always end with Atsumu crying for something he can’t decipher. They graduate from high school and Atsumu signs with a pro team.

Osamu goes to university. They still live together, and Osamu is still there to anchor him to the real world when he wakes up warped in unreachable destinations. Osamu’s still there but Atsumu knows it’s short lived. He won’t stay in Hyogo forever—he has a Division One team from Osaka in mind, and he knows that means Osamu won’t be there in a few years time when he wakes up from his dreams, Hiraeth clutch his soul.

He hopes he finds his wonderland before it, hopes that these dreams cease before the most familiar person in his life leaves.

Kiyoomi goes to university with a growing melancholy wrapped around him. He goes to university, hoping the busyness of collegiate volleyball and work load from his courses is enough to let him forget about the ruefulness he feels until it leaves.

While he has Komori a click away, it isn’t the same. He no longer has Komori beside him to provide him temporary shelter that manages to lessen the restlessness even if the amount is imperceptible. He doesn’t have Komori on the top bunk anymore to wake him up from fitful dreams. He doesn’t have Komori to curl himself around and go back to sleep. He doesn’t have Komori any more to provide that temporary shelter, to provide the slightest comfort.

When the restlessness gets too much, when it mixes with the anxiety that is ever-present in his mind, he stays up nights after nights. Komori is busy—more so than Kiyoomi—but he tries to be a comforting presence even from miles and cities and prefectures away. Kiyoomi calls him when it gets too bad and no matter how exhausted Komori is, he always picks up, always try to lull that growing restlessness back to slumber like he used to through all of their childhood.

Sometimes it works. Most of the time it doesn’t.

Komori’s voice filtering through the speaker isn’t enough to shield the raging war inside his mind. So Kiyoomi goes through his busy, busy schedule for the next four years with a wistful heart, a yearning soul and ever-growing melancholy.

MSBY Black Jackals is a chaotic team even before Atsumu joins. Atsumu brings chaos wherever he goes but Bokuto Koutarou belongs to a whole different breed of chaos. More often than not Atsumu finds himself so exasperated by his owl-like teammate that he considers opening a shrine in Akaashi Keiji’s name because heck, he isn’t real. How can a human as calm, as organized as Akaashi not only manage this wrecker ball of never ending energy but _love_ him.

Now, Bokuto, most of the time, pisses Atsumu off, but Atsumu, on nights when he feels especially lonely appreciates the bear hugs Bokuto seems to give out all the time. Something about those hugs lets Atsumu’s heart rest for a little, even though it starts its agenda with the restlessness business not too long after.

Atsumu doesn’t have Osamu anymore to hold him through tears during those nights, but its ok, because the chaos that welcomes him every morning in the form of Bokuto Koutarou is a nice comfort anyway.

Kiyoomi joins the Jackals a month after he graduates with a degree he has no intention of ever using. The first time he walks into the changing rooms, welcomed by a boisterous Bokuto, he almost sends his resignation letter on the spot.

He doesn’t though, because Komori—that smug, shitty bastard who knows him too well—has told him he wouldn’t last a day with the chaos that the Jackals are. He’d probably been right but Kiyoomi finds nothing as fulfilling as proving his horrible best friend wrong and so he grimaces and tries to go with the flow.

He finds Atsumu looking a little too worse for the wear and immediately any thoughts of leaving the team jumps out the window. Atsumu is a annoying shit who has plagued Kiyoomi’s nightmares with his horrible personality for far too long and in no way will Kiyoomi give up the chance to see him suffer.

So he buckles the hell up and stays.

(It takes him a long time to say it out loud, but he’s glad he stayed.)

Atsumu and Kiyoomi learn to co-exist by pissing each other off. They take every chance to take a dig at the other—a habit that had implemented itself years ago in a middle school match.

It takes them both a while to realize that the constant emptiness in their beings have lessened. When they do, they are left questioning the source of the healing balm, but they don’t find it any time soon.

Kiyoomi and Atsumu fit together like jigsaw puzzles. They somehow actually become friends and on court they become a terrifying pair. Then they catch feelings and fall in love despite how both of them are disgusted by the prospect.

Fate nudges them again and they fall into each other slowly but surely. Atsumu grumbles his way through a confession, Kiyoomi grumbles through his and they, despite all odds, start a relationship.

It’s hard really—Atsumu lives off human contact while Kiyoomi hates touches, but they work together.

It all feels like the last few steps of the ladder game. With every passing day, they go a little step further. On the 107th day of their relationship, Kiyoomi reaches for Atsumu’s hand. The gaping holes in their souls fill a little. On the 223rd day Kiyoomi lets Atsumu touch him and hold him. With each step the hole in their hearts fill, the restlessness subsides and sleep comes easier.

On the 365th day Atsumu kisses Kiyoomi and the last little part that refused to be healed closes. It’s exhilarating—to be free of what plagued them all their lives.

Kiyoomi murmurs a soft _I love you_ and all those moments where Atsumu craved a distance place vanishes. The homesickness he had grown used to fades into a joyful singing in his heart, a fluttering in his soul and an ineffable tingling in his skin.

Atsumu replies _I love you too,_ and Kiyoomi’s world expands. He feels the prickling thoughts that followed him through life disappear into a faint glow of happiness, feels his empty heart overflow and they both look at each other and smile.

Their Hiraeth end after years and years of bearing. Their Hiraeth turns itself into love and tangles their very being with each other.

It’s the beginning of a new chapter, of a happier part and they are together, in the safety of each other’s presence—in the homes they have searched for their whole lives. After all, they are each other’s homes.


End file.
